I was sent a link to this hilarious image recently and just had to share it.

I can’t verify if it’s a real sign, or if it’s been Photoshopped, but haven’t we all felt like this at times?

Have a wonderful day!

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Ok, this is a departure from the previous post, but I am sitting here sipping my wonderful cup of fresh coffee and just realized that whomever came up with the concept of the pod coffee maker is a genius!

As a person who works from home a lot of the time and who likes to sip coffee most of the day, I got tired of the whole-pot method of making coffee. I would brew a fresh pot and the first cup was fabulous. Often, the second cup was pretty good, but the later in the day I would get a cup, the taste was worse.

It happened for one of two reasons. Either the coffee would just sit there and get thick as mud while it stayed hot, or the heat would be turned off and it would get cold. Even microwaving the cold coffee didn’t bring back the great taste.

But with my trusty pod coffee maker, every cup is as fresh and hot as the last one was. It’s genius, I tell you! Why don’t people that invent such wonderful things ever become famous or win Nobel prizes?

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I usually don’t pay much attention to the many joke emails that go around. After all, it seems like the same twenty or so just keep making the rounds. But then today, I got this one. It’s hilarious! Enjoy:

• Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they’re serving rum balls.
• Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it’s rare. In fact, it’s even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can’t find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It’s not as if you’re going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It’s later than you think. It’s Christmas!
• If something comes with gravy, use it. That’s the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy . Eat the volcano. Repeat.
• As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they’re made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
• Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
• Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you’ll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
• If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don’t budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They’re like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
• Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don’t like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
• Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it’s loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

One final tip: If you don’t feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven’t been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:
“Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO HOO what a ride!”

Have a great holiday season!

holiday, food, humor

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